Counting Sheep

One, two, three
counting sheep.
Toss, turn, fluff
comfort lost.
Finances, family, freedom
fill my mind.
Choices, worry, planning
to pass the time.
Eyes open and close–
close and open to the rhythm
of our overworked air conditioner.
Minutes drag and
hours disappear.

Darkness fades
into light.
The faintest glow
demands its presence
to be known.
Birds awake and sing
joyfully greeting the morning.

Night has cheated me
once again.
Yet still I try,
over and over:
one, two, three
counting sheep.

~Kay

Confessional

I would like to clear up an assumption that has been made about me. I have been told by several people that I just have the drive to write and that writing comes very easy to me.

I wish this was the case. Each and everyday I write, I fight with myself tooth and nail to actually meet my goals. There are days where writing 100 words seems impossible, let alone 500.

Inspiration does not come pouring down from the heavens. My novel does not write itself. When I was younger, I always heard people say that writing is 2% inspiration and 98% work. I did not know how true this statement was until the month of May when I really buckled down and started to write. Not only did I learn that, but I learned how important having an outline is when novel writing. It is SO easy to get off track.

With my monthly challenges, I am doing it less for the writing goal and the end result. I am doing these challenges to discipline myself into writing every single day. I want to write for a living, why wouldn’t I practice my craft any chance I got? The question became: “Is writing what I really want to do?”

For me, the answer was yes. That yes is what drives me to write first before anything else in the day. That yes has no time for my excuses. That yes is what keeps me going. I want my daily writing to be so ingrained in me that I think of it as a necessity to surviving life, much like sleep and breathing.

Some days 500 words takes me 10 minutes and other days it takes me 5 hours. Both are perfectly natural and fine, as long as I am writing everyday. I think too much of myself to succumb to excuses and eventual defeat. I will fight on, I will write on.

~Kay

Inspiration

As a writer, I seem to have to feel inspired to write, although that shouldn’t be the case. If I want to get something done I need to just do it and make a habit of it everyday, NOT wait for some divine inspiration (although it helps). Sometimes watching a movie I have seen quite a few times, allows me to write without really having to watch the movie. Listening to celtic music or my very own book soundtrack (which I’m still working on for the book I’m writing now) helps me as well. However, I failed last month. I allowed myself to get caught up in the idea that I needed to be inspired to write that day or that I could just shrug it off and say “oh, I’ll just write more tomorrow”. I also got caught up in the excuse of being in pain all the time which made it impossible to think. I could have done a lot of writing while I was in pain. In fact, it would have been great for my main character.

There I was, disappointing everyone around me, including myself, by not making my writing goal last month. We are on the 2nd day of this month and I haven’t even touched it. There is still a lot of time in the day, and though I like to do the majority of my writing at night, I may need to do it while I have coffee in my hands sitting in a room with no T.V. and no distractions. I’ve been coming to the realization that the TV is a huge distraction for me. I turn it on and get sucked into the comedic styling of Shawn Spencer and Gus from Psych. I need to turn it off, at least until after my writing is finished.

It’s a new month, a new time, a new goal. I will make it!

Thank you Kay for always being an encouragement to me as I struggle daily. You inspire me to write more and to do better and for that I thank you.

-Jay

Unstoppable

There is something freeing about free style Fridays. I like that I can just take a few minutes to relax and unwind. I can allow the stresses of my job for the week just float away like snowflakes falling from the sky.

I have been on this writing challenge journey for sixteen days and I feel as though I am doing a phenomenal job, if I do say so myself. I am far from perfect; however, the key here that that I have met or exceeded my goal everyday thus far. I am in the process of fully discipling myself to write daily. I love the feeling. When I complete and exceed my goal, I find myself feeling happier and more confident in myself. And for those of you that actually know me, you know how big of a deal this actually is!

Something that I am learning, is that when I write, I love to be alone. I need to be away from every single distraction. There are times where I wish I could unplug the wireless internet (pun intended) so I cannot get onto Facebook. It has been harder than usual especially because part of my job at work is to run the social media for the store. I am on there off and on for 8 hours a day five days a week. You would think I would be sick of Facebook… and to be honest with you… I kind of am. I read and reread the same posts over and over again. I comment and like on occasion. I have recently gone through and followed a few British news sights and the local Tennessean here in Nashville. Something interesting I found out– nine times out of ten, the British tend to post stories that are backed out of the USA before the US actually does. Does that make sense to you? It was a little puzzling to me as well. But I digress.

So as I have been writing, I like being alone with absolutely no other sound than myself clicking the keys to my laptop. I love the sound of a good keyboard. Last night, I had been typing in bed and my husband was at his desk, and bless his heart he kept talking to me. I used to get frustrated when I was trying to concentrate; however, this time I simply told him I loved him, kissed him on the head, grabbed my laptop and moved myself to the darkened living room.

I love dark spaces. I love saving energy as much as possible, so I have grown to love the dark. I shut the door to the bedroom and settled in on the couch in darkness. The only like that showed was that pesky modem light that reminded me that my wireless internet still worked, and that it missed me desperately. The other like was just the gentle glow of my laptop, open to my novel. My cursor was blinking to the beat of my heart and I just fell in step. My fingers moved rhythmically at lightning speed as the words were coming out of my brain almost faster than I could talk.

It is in moments like that when I know for sure what I want to accomplish in my life. I am writing. I know that the rest will come with me in time and after a ton of research and questions to anyone that is willing to stop for a moment and answer. It will be a challenge and it will be hard. You know what? That doesn’t even matter. I know that it will be worth it. So, bring on more writing in the middle of the night with no lights on. Bring on less sleep than I really need. My heart demands that I commit and finish that which I start. I have never been so excited or determined. I am ready to take on the world.

Keep Calm and Write On!

~Kay

Four

– 1 –
The future is filled
Discovery and dreaming
With choice after choice

– 2 –
To learn is to grow
Set a goal and run with it
Wildest dreams await

– 3 –
A storm is coming
Threatening our existence
Silence before rain

– 4 –
Three short years from now
A holiday in England
Life long dream comes true

~Kay

London Bridge

This Time, Last Year

This time last  year I had hit one of my biggest life milestones. After working on and off (more off than on) for nearly 14 years, I finally completed my Bachelor of Arts degree focusing on English and Creative Writing through Southern New Hampshire University.

To put the 14 years into perspective, by the time I started SNHU in 2011, I was going in as a Junior which meant I had two full years to go. This was the first time I was in school full time, and I thrived on it. It was also timed well that I didn’t have to work at the same time as focusing on my school, which allowed for more time to study.

It was a beautiful program. I had my favorite teachers and my challenging ones; however, but the end of the experience, I felt like a better person because of it. My degree did not come until the beginning of June. It was worth the wait.

Why was it so important to me? It’s because I did something (even though it took me a long time) that SO many people told me that I could not do. I’m glad I was faced with the adversity. It made me a stronger person.

Kay graduating Summa Cum Laude, 2013.

And this next picture is how my heart feels today, even amid waves of pain.

Go For The Goal

I know New Year’s Resolutions have turned into more of a joke over the years as promises we make only to break… well I am breaking that cycle. Back in January I made three goals for the year 2014.

1) Read 25 books in 2014. So far, so good. I am six books in and have started both books 7 and 8. I have “Daisy Miller” by Henry James at work to read on breaks and during my lunch, and at home I am reading “The Sherlockian” by Graham Moore.

The main reason I made this one of my goals this year is because I realized something that was a little disturbing. My obsession was becoming getting books, but not necessarily reading them. From my nest that I have made for myself on the bed, I can see books that I got four years ago while I was living in Michigan that I haven’t touched. There are other books on that same book shelf that are at least 10 years old. About a month ago, I gathered the books that I have not read together. It totaled about 60. What is the point of getting them and having them if I am not going to read them.

I run the media department of ThriftSmart here in Nashville. From everything I am hearing, we have the LARGEST book department of any thrift store in the area. How cool is that! I have been on a HUGE British kick over the past few months and I cannot get enough of British authors. It is absolutely killing me seeing these British novels being donated to the store and I am having to put them out on the shelves instead of me buying them and adding them to my collection.

I couldn’t just stop buying books cold turkey, so here is the compromise I made with myself (we had a whole discussion…): I can buy one book for every two books I read! I don’t know about you but that feels like a win-win situation. It also encourages me to keep reading so that I can reward myself with a book by a British author!

2) Blog regularly. This one was a bit interesting. I had started my own blog right after the new year and my goal was to write in it once a week. I was good for about a month and then by February things just kind of fell apart. I didn’t know what I wanted to write about and I wasn’t feeling very motivated. Alas, not all is lost! Now that I have joined forces with my friend Jay, we both average writing five days a week. My creativity has increased tremendously and I am regaining my love for the art of writing. I have a flash fiction (short story that is 1500 words or less) in the works that I am hoping to debut by this time next week.

So even though I had a little hiccup last month, I feel as though I will be making it up 10 fold with Nerd to the Word!

3) Be kind to everyone, even if I don’t think they deserve it. Maybe even especially if they don’t deserve it. If I am being honest, which is something I try to always do, has been quite a challenge for me. I find myself doubting people’s motives before even giving them the chance. Change is a very active state of mind and it takes me keeping my thoughts and my words in check 100% of the time. When I behave in a way that is kind, I am finding that I am allowing myself to open up in a way that I didn’t know I could. I am making friends, making plans, and really starting to live my life.

Moving to Nashville has been the best decision my husband and I have made in a long time. As the months continue on in 2014, I know that I will continue to add goals for the year, and for my life. My long term goal is to continue to be a better person. It doesn’t need to be new years to make commitments to change. Just decide, set some goals and get to it. Do not give fear the time of day. Fear has no power over you. Live your dreams.

~Kay